


The Wisdom of a Queen

by mishiko



Series: Home is where the heart is [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Because Steve needs someone to talk some sense into him, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Endgame Fix-It, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 19:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18629665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishiko/pseuds/mishiko
Summary: Spoilers for Endgame.This is a companion piece to the first part but can be read as a standalone.Life is filled with choices. It’s not wrong to want to go down an easy path. That doesn’t mean it’s the right one.Or the one where the Allmother talks some sense into Steve Rogers.





	The Wisdom of a Queen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Buttersquashing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttersquashing/gifts).



> After having written the last part and see how many people respond to it, I started thinking about writing a companion piece. And here it is, I hope it helps soothe some of the feels from Endgame. Special thanks to Buttersquashing for letting and listening to my rant. 
> 
> It is self-beta-ed so any mistakes are all mine.

Steve feels like he’s living in a haze after they’ve finally won the war. Once the dust has settled, it was a bittersweet moment to see that they’ve got the other half of the universe back. But at what cost?

Just thinking about Tony and Natasha makes Steve wants to punch something.

So what does Steve do? He throws himself back into work. They have to build a new machine to return the infinity stones and Bruce is in charge of that. It has been much faster with Tony’s plan and they also have Hank and Janet, who are more familiar with the quantum realm, back to help as well.

Steve himself has already made up his mind that he will be the one who will return the stones. Out of all the people who have had the experience of travelling through time, Steve is the best choice. Clint and Scott have families to go back to. Rocket and Nebula are eager to go back up into space. Thor doesn’t seem keen at all, he seems to be trying to rediscover his purpose in life again. And Rhodey is still recovering from the last battle.

Steve isn’t going to let anyone else do this job either; this is his responsibility. He’s not going to allow Sam or Bucky, who have just got back to life, risk their lives again.

Sam isn’t happy about that, it’s clear that he wants to go with him and Steve appreciates the sentiment. He really does, but this is not Sam’s job to bear.

Bucky is surprisingly easy to convince. He offers to come with Steve, but he looks understanding when Steve said no and Bucky doesn’t ask again.

It catches Steve off guard, in the days leading up to Tony’s funeral, that Bucky has little problems with Steve going on his own. It unsettles Steve in a way that he doesn’t understand, so he does what he does best. He just plows on. There are wreckage to clear away and buildings to rebuild.

And Steve is grateful, because he is so happy to have his friends back and he doesn’t want to waste any time arguing with them.

The biggest issue is how unsettling he still feels after seeing Peggy in 1970. It has opened a lot of old wounds and left him feeling conflicted. It also doesn’t help that he’s going back into a time machine because there is a temptation there. Peggy was such a fierce and beautiful woman who believed in him when so few did. It would be so easy to just leave it all behind and go back to her.

But how would that affect the rest of the timeline? They have risked a lot already stealing the infinity stones from the past. He knows that he will be returning them straight after in every scenario so they can be optimistic about it. But for him to stay behind? That’s got to be significant.

And can he really leave the family he’s made behind in the twenty-first century? All of the people who has stood by him when the world turned against him like Sam, Clint and Wanda.

Then there’s Bucky. He knows that Bucky was living a calm and quiet life in Wakanda before Thanos came. He knows how strong and smart Bucky is, he knows that Bucky will thrive now. But Steve also knows how lonely it is to be a man out of his time.

It makes Steve’s stomach churns just thinking about leaving Bucky.

So it is with all of these conflicted feelings that he walks up to the platform of the newly built time machine. The hug he shared with Bucky settled his nerve but kicked his senses into the highest gear at the same time. The soft smile Bucky sends his way makes his heart flutters a little and he can’t help but admire how beautiful Bucky looks, standing there in the sun. His fingers itch to draw the image.

Then he’s thrown back into the quantum realm once more.

 

\-----

 

Steve has decided to return the stone in reverse chronological, partly because he’s not sure how he would feel if he happens to see Peggy again.

The power stone was easy to return and he finds himself in Asgard relatively quickly.  

This is a trickier one because there are guards stationed in front of Jane’s room now.

“I take it that you are here to return the ether?” A quiet female voice startles Steve from behind and he swerves around with Mjolnir up to defend himself.

In front of him was a beautiful middle aged woman, dressed like a royalty. She looks surprised as well to see him but then the expression softens.

“I see that you are worthy of wielding my son’s hammer. Will you tell me your name, Midgardian?” Her son’s hammer? She must be Thor’s mother which means-

“I’m Steve Rogers, Your Highness.” Steve’s not sure what the etiquette is when meeting Asgard’s royalty for the first time. But he thinks bowing is a universal sign of deference. Though Loki did like people kneeling so maybe that’s more Asgard’s style?

“Please, call me Lady Frigga. And no kneeling, I’m not my sons.” She sounds amused to see Steve bumbling through which surprisingly puts him as ease.

“I am here to return the reality stone to Jane’s body, Lady Frigga.” If the Queen of Asgard has not alerted the guard yet, Steve thinks he can trust her with this information.

“The guard will be changing rounds in about a half hour time, that is probably the best time for you to sneak in then.” Lady Frigga informs him before her gaze falls elsewhere for a moment.

“Would you like to wait somewhere more secluded than behind this pillar until then?” She offers him an option he can’t refuse. They’ve been whispering this entire conversation to not attract anybody’s attention and Steve knows that a pillar isn’t the best stakeout hiding spot.

“Please follow me,” Lady Frigga leads him to what Steve thinks is a private chamber furnished like a living room, but with more intricately carved and ornate decorations.

“Would you like some mead, Steve?” His royal hostess offers but Steve has drunk Asgard mead before. It’s the only thing that can get him drunk now which means that he shouldn’t risk being tipsy while returning the infinity stones.

“No, thank you, Lady Frigga. I shouldn’t be drinking while on a mission.”

“Tea then,” she concludes and then proceeds to pour two cups before bringing them over to Steve.

“Thank you, Lady Frigga.” Steve doesn’t think he should refuse the Queen of Asgard’s hospitality and so he put both the suitcase and Thor’s hammer down to take the cup with a saucer from her.

“Please, have a seat.” She gestures to the chaise lounge besides him and he waits until she sits down on another chair before sitting down himself.

He takes a small sip of the hot liquid and finds that it tastes surprisingly mild with a hint of floral.

“So tell me Steve, can I assume that it all went smoothly in the future? Since you are returning the reality stone after all.”

Steve thinks about it carefully before answering because he knows that he’s not supposed to say too much about the future. “Yes, we’ve completed what we had to do.”

“That is good to hear.” Lady Frigga takes a sip of her tea as well before continues, “And you’ve got all of your family and friends back?”

The question brings back a bittersweet feeling in Steve again, just like every time he thinks about it.

“Yes, Lady Frigga. We’ve got our loved ones back, but we did lose many great people as well trying to win the battle.”

“There will always be prices to pay during a war, Steve. That is something we can never avoid as long as there are battles to fight. All we can do is honour the dead and ensure that we do not let their sacrifices go to waste.” Lady Frigga’s answer causes his breath to catch in his throat. The wisdom and kindness in those words wash over him and when he looks up to her, he can see the understanding in her eyes.

For the first time since the final battle, Steve starts to feel the tightly coiled tension in his body loosening.

“It’s so hard sometimes to think that I’ve survived while many other didn’t.” Steve confesses quietly, gaze drifting down almost in shame.

“In our culture, we believe that the Norns have plans for everyone. I think you would refer to them as Fates?” Lady Frigga starts as she puts her saucer down on the table besides her. “There must be a reason for why you have survived but your friends did not. And Death does not discriminate who to take.

“There are many things in our lives that are out of our control, Steve. However, if you keep on questioning or refuse to move on from them, you will forget to live in the present. For us, that is the same of wasting their sacrifices. I don’t think any of your fallen friends would want you to wallow in your misery for long.”

None of this is new to him and yet, this may be the first time that the words have some effect on Steve. Maybe it’s because the Queen of Asgard is saying it to him. Steve knows very little about Thor’s family but Lady Frigga has not shown him anything but warmth and understanding during their whole encounter. And even though she may look younger than Steve’s technical age of a 105, Steve feels like a child in her presence.

“I am not saying that it will be easy. Their loses should cause pain because it means that we cared about them. However, time is a merciful enemy, it will heal you eventually.”

“What do I do when it gets overwhelming?” Steve asks, like a prayer.

“You take it one day at a time, and you make that one day counts. Small steps, Steve, no one expects you to just dust yourself off and carry on as if nothing has happened straightaway.”

“Then I think my worst enemy is myself.” Steve says wryly.

“At least you are self-aware,” Lady Frigga teases him good-naturedly. “Is there anyone who can remind you then? Not to be too hard on yourself all the time.”

And that is how Steve starts talking about his family. How Sam has helped him when all he felt was lost in a different time. How Clint chose to come to his aide even after retirement. How Wanda has given him trust even after all of the tragedies in her life. How Scott, who’d barely knew him, but willing to fight beside him.

Then there’s Bucky. Steve ends up recounting his whole history with Bucky while Lady Frigga listens attentively. He talks about how Bucky has always supported him from their childhood through every crazy things life has thrown at them. And how Steve had failed him again when Bucky got turned into dust from Thanos but that he is finally back. After 5 excruciating years, Bucky is back and alive.

“He’s the one who always reminds me to take care of myself. I don’t think I’d have survived to adulthood without him.” Steve can’t help but smile at that. Bucky has hauled him away from a fight countless of times after all.

“You must love him very much.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Have you told him?”

“That I love him? Bucky knows, he’s practically family to me.”

“I don’t think you love him like a brother, Steve.”

“What? What do you mean Lady Frigga?” The Queen of Asgard raises her eyebrows at his shocked question.

“Surely you know your heart, Steve. Your whole face lit up when you were talking about him. I can easily see how happy he’s made you. And you’ve told me that you’ve given up everything to save him and be by his side, right? Not once, but twice as well. If that doesn’t mean that you’ve given your heart to him, then I don’t know what love is.”

Wait, what? Steve sits there in shock while his thought runs a hundred miles a minute trying to wrap his head around it.

He knows he loves Bucky, of course he does. How could he not, with the kind of history they’ve shared? But loving Bucky in _that_ sense? Steve’s just never thought about it before. He frowns as he goes over what Lady Frigga has said.

Growing up in the 30s where queer people were not accepted meant that Steve hadn’t bothered with the possibility of being attracted to someone from the same gender. He was in enough trouble daily as it was and didn’t need more reasons for people to beat him up.

And then when he’s woken up in the future and sure, people are more accepting now. Though not everyone is on board, it is not illegal anymore to be with the person you love, regardless of their gender. But Bucky was dead. And then he wasn’t. However, the first priority was for Bucky to recover and relearn how to be himself again.

Just when Steve’s thought that they may have the time to spend together once more, Thanos happened. After that, Steve wasn’t living at all during those 5 years, not really.

Now, Bucky is back. Steve still remembers how elated he felt when he first hugged Bucky after the final battle. It was like a dream to have Bucky back in his arms once more. For the first time in 5 years, Steve could _breathe_ again.

So yeah, may be he is a little bit in love with his childhood friend. It shouldn’t be a surprise really, Bucky is strong and smart and gorgeous. Their lives have been so intertwined that sometimes Steve doesn’t know how to really live without Bucky in his life.

Steve should have realised before that what he feels for Bucky is different from his friends. Losing Sam to the snap has hurt but it wasn’t the same as seeing Bucky turning into dust in front of his eyes. Steve just thought that it was because he and Bucky have shared their bond for longer. He’s never been that smart on his heart and emotions anyway. That’s more of Bucky’s area.

“Oh,” Steve lets out a small exhales as the realisation sinks into his bones. He is in love with Bucky. Now what does he do?

“I know that life sometimes tempt you with an easy way out, a chance to run away from it all and start over when things do not go exactly as it should.” Lady Frigga says as if she’s heard his question. “It must not be easy for you, Steve, to have access to a time travelling method while having been taken out of your time.”

Steve looks at Lady Frigga in bewilderment. He hasn’t told her about his dilemma yet about how after he has put all of the infinity stones back, he has a way to return back to the 1940s. Steve knows that if he returns to the future, he may not be able to avoid fighting more battles because who knows what kind of enemy they would encounter next. He is so tired of fighting and losing people he cares about. So it is a real temptation for him to just give it all up and go back to Peggy.

“Sometimes, you have to go down the more difficult path in life. However, just because it is difficult, it does not mean it cannot be filled with happiness as well. Bucky is clearly someone who has been important to you for a very long time and I can see how much joy he has brought into your life. Perhaps this is your chance to reciprocate.”

Steve feels like a wind has been knocked out of him. A chance to make Bucky happy? He’d like that.

“Oh, look at the time. The guards will be changing in just a few minutes, Steve. I believe this is your best chance to get to Jane.” Lady Frigga says as she stands up, prompting Steve to get out of his head and stands as well.

“I will go out first and distract the guards so you have a chance of entering without notice. You don’t need to leave the room afterwards, correct? Since you have a way of carrying on to a different time there.”

“Yes, Lady Frigga. What should I do with Thor’s hammer?” Steve asks as he picks up his suitcase and Mjolnir.

“You can leave Mjolnir in here, Thor may be calling for it soon. Thank you for bringing it back with you.”

“I’m only returning them to their rightful places.” Steve puts the hammer down near the door where he stands before turning to face the Queen of Asgard and ducking his head, “Thank you very much Lady Frigga for your kindness and wisdom, you have no idea how much lighter I feel now.”

“You have been fighting alongside Thor and sharing the burden of a war with him. I am grateful to know that, despite the suffering my son has to go through in the future, that he has found brothers and sisters-in-arm like you on Midgard. Even without Mjolnir to prove your worthiness, I still know that you are a good man, Steve.”

“Thank you, Lady Frigga.” Steve doesn’t know what to say other than this. He is so grateful for her generosity and insights.

“You are very welcome.” She offers him another smile, “Give me a minute to take the guards away, the coast should be clear then. I wish you good luck on the rest of your quest, Steve. Remember, a difficult path can lead to a much more fulfilling happiness as well.” And with that, Lady Frigga slips out of the room.

Steve closes his eyes and breathes deeply to calm his nerves. He sees an image of Bucky standing there in his leather jacket, looking stunning with the sun highlighting how blue his eyes are. Bucky is waiting for him in the future. Steve opens his eyes with renewed determination. He’s got a mission to complete and a home to go back to.

 

\-----

 

Steve does see a glimpse of Peggy again in 1970 but all he feels now is closure as he notices how amazingly she manages the rest of the agency. Peggy has recovered from Steve’s plane crash and gone on to live a fulfilled life. He says a quiet goodbye to her from far away before putting in the coordinates back home.

It is time for him to live his life now.

He greets Bruce and Sam with a nod once he’s back in the twenty-first century before handing the empty suitcase back to Bruce. Then all of his attention zeroes in on Bucky. Bucky who is standing right there with his eyes closed and head tips back. He looks so beautiful that it takes Steve’s breath away. It feels like years since he last saw Bucky, instead of hours. He wants to burn the image into his heart so he can keep it forever.

Before he knows it, Steve is standing in front of Bucky again, who has opened his eyes and watching him. “Hey Buck,”

“Welcome back, punk.” Bucky smiles at him and it kicks Steve’s heart into overdrive.

“So I’ve been thinking,” He says.

“Hope it didn’t hurt that pretty head of yours,” The tease is so familiar and yet it’s been such a long time since Steve’s last heard something like it. For 5 years, he thought he wouldn’t hear it again.

“Jerk,” Steve replies and he can’t keep the fondness from his voice, “This second chance at life and living it for once, I’d like to try doing that now.”

“Ok,” Bucky’s gaze turns hopeful and maybe, this will work out.

“And I’ve realised what I’ve probably felt all this time but was too stupid to see. I’m yours, Buck. If you’ll have me, I’m all yours.” Steve lays it all down and offers his heart and soul to Bucky, if he’ll have it.

“If I’ll have you?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe what he’s just heard. “Rogers, if you can’t tell that I’ve been crazy for you since the ‘30s then you’re more stupid than I’ve thought.”

Steve can’t help but to step closer, can’t help but to sway towards the brightness in his life that is Bucky.

“Well, then we’re both two idiots who’ve been blinded to what’s been in front of us all along.” Steve jokes back but he still can’t believe that this is really happening. That someone like Bucky, who could have anybody he wants, past, present or future, would want him.

“It’s you and me, punk.” Steve can see it now, the happiness shining out of Bucky’s eyes. And yeah, his knees feel weak.

“Till the end of the line?” Steve asks reverently, a hand goes to cradle the back of Bucky’s neck as Bucky’s hand came up to hold onto his wrist.

“Till the end of the line.” Steve closes his eyes as his head dips down to finally kiss the love of his life.

This is the path he’s chosen and Steve can’t wait to walk down it with Bucky by his side.

  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this, kudos and comments are much appreciated.


End file.
